LeBron Decides; Nation Reveals Itself
The Federal government has proposed, and, in less than an hour, both Houses of Congress have passed a LeBron James Stimulus Package for the city of Cleveland, Ohio.
The billion dollar appropriation was approved across party lines, with Senators and members of the House seen weeping openly for the forsaken citizens of the self proclaimed Rock n’ Roll Capitol of the World.
Residents of the Gulf Coast, along with unemployed workers whose benefits have run out, and military families living through multiple deployments of their loved ones were seen with mouths agape, aghast as the nation once again demonstrated that most of its citizens and elected officials have their priorities in the wrong places.
The American Coalition of Sports Bars was approached and asked to donate the profits from tonight’s bonanza to a fund which would be used to reinstate laid off teachers, policemen, and firefighters. The Coalition chose not to do so, and responded in a way that can only be described as “colorful”.
Hedge fund managers participated in LeBron pools with winners collecting a minimum of 6 figures in each of the many pots. Confetti created by thousands of torn up, losing pool sheets is expected to remain on the sidewalks of Wall Street for days, as the cutback in NYC sanitation workers will prohibit a more timely clean up.
It was just reported that massive tarballs have washed up on South Beach, and methane levels in the atmosphere were dangerously high in the city of Miami.
Leave a Response
Additional comments powered by BackType
