This story is not going away.  The Anthony Weiner story.  Why is it not going away?  Cause it’s just too much fun to follow.  In the midst of the North African and Middle Eastern parts of the world falling apart, a story like this is an hilarious break.  Let’s face it.  What damage has been done, really?  It’s not like this guy is worth anything.  He’s a Congressman!  Like all representatives, he spends approximately 84% of his time on trying to get reelected.  In this case, if we break down the pie chart, seems fair to say 10% went to internet sexting, and  5% to phone sex.  Do the math.  That leaves Mr. Weiner with 1% to devote to things congressional. Pretty typical.

I have no credentials that would allow me to get near this guy, much less interview him, and so I am going to present some burning questions that to me at least, are important in that they will provide even more color to this already abstract, surreal painting.

Question 1.  Congressman, Doctor John from the Loose Kannon Show.  Sir, why is it that only geeks and professional body builders shave their chests?
Question 2.  How long did it take before you were satisfied enough with the size of your protruding member to take the picture?
Question 3.  Sir, do you have any really promiscuous pictures of the beautiful Mrs. Weiner, and if so would you be willing to share them?
Question 4.  Have you been contacted by CNN to host a show yet?
Question 5.  When the recordings of your phone sex with Vegas blackjack dealer, Lisa Weiss come out, will they be available on CD?
Question 6.  I have a follow up question, sir.  Since the phone used for your sex chats was in fact an official U.S. Congress line, can I write the calls off on my taxes under miscellaneous expense?
Question 7.  When your wife files for divorce and gets the house and cars and all the good stuff, will you fight to keep your camera, barbells and body shaver?
My Final Question:  Sir, Mr. Congressman…Do you think you could take Wolf Blitzer in a no holds barred mixed martial arts match?

Okay.  Once again, I know I am having a ball with this cretin, but that’s what they are for.  Fun.  They most certainly are not good for anything else, like  say, running the country.  For example, Obama is for birth certificate fun.  Newt and Edwards are for hypocrisy fun. Palin is for stupidity fun.  Rick Santorum is for homophobic fun, and  John Ensign and Anthony Weiner are now joined forever at the groins for sexual and lying fun.

To quote Anthony Hopkins in his role as Hannibal Lecter, “What is worst about this humiliation Clarice? Is it how your failure will reflect on your mommy and daddy? Is your worst fear that people will now and forever believe they were indeed just good old trailer camp tornado bait white trash and that perhaps you are too?  Goody, goody.”

                          

“President Bush will not be in attendance on Thursday. He appreciated the invite, but has chosen in his post-presidency to remain largely out of the spotlight. He continues to celebrate with all Americans this important victory in the war on terror,” according to a statement released by Bush spokesman David Sherzer late Tuesday.
I was sent a copy of the phone transcript between President Obama, and Mr. Bush from Facebook, followed by an  angry note from Julian Assange with another “ more accurate” Wikileaks one.

Here it is.

Obama:  Hi, George.  How are things?
Bush:  Not bad, Barry.  Rehab was a bitch, but I’m 90 days sober.  Got my       little pin here and everything. Gotta tell ya, I miss the buzz, tho.
OB:  Uh, yeah…same here with the smokes.  Hey, George the reason I’m calling is that I’m going down to the Trade Center to kind of celebrate us taking out Bin Laden, and was wondering if you would like to come along.
Bush:  Who?
OB:  Bin Laden…Osama Bin Laden…the al qaeda guy.
Bush:  Hell, I just can’t place the name, Barry.
OB:  Osama Bin Laden… The guy who planned the 9/11 attacks.  Long beard, turban, owns majority stock in Halliburton.
Bush:  Oh, HIM!  I’ll be damned, you got him?
OB:  Uh, yeah, George.  It was kind of all over the news.
Bush:  Yeah, well… Laura don’t let me watch the news much anymore.  She thinks it’ll toss me off the wagon.
OB:  I see.  Uh, she can come too, George.
Bush:  Where?
OB:  Focus , George.  Ground Zero.  New York City.
Bush: Oh, yeah.  Is Brownie coming?
OB:  No.   Brownie is not coming.
Bush:  Wolfie, The Chainsaw Cheney Hammer?
OB:  George!  This is not a frat party for your administration!  I am inviting you to join me in a very somber tribute.
Bush:  Do I have to give back my “Mission Accomplished Banner?”  It’s so gnarly lookin hangin up over the bar down here.
OB:  No.  You can keep your banner.
Bush:  And my flight jacket? Laura and I like to play out that scene in Top Gun.  Ya know…I’m Tom Cruise and she’s…
OB:  George… way too much information.  You can keep the flight jacket, the banner and even wear the helmet.  Are you coming or not?
Bush:  Easy there, Barry… don’t go gettin your chuck lucks all tight.  Is Hillary gonna be there?
OB:  I’m not sure.  Maybe.
Bush:  Can ya do me a favor?
OB:  What is it, George?
Bush: Can ya ask her to wear that orange pantsuit…the one where her butt kinda peeks out from under the jacket?
OB: Goodbye, George

And, so I can say the NY Times report that Mr. Bush will not be accompanying the president to ground zero Thursday is accurate.

                          

Yesterday, I suggested we help Japan  by buying stuff from them, but overnight, a miracle happened and all that radioactive water just went away… floating to the heavens where it was purified and made acceptable for little infants consumption.  So, forget about that purchasing Japanese stuff, and go buy yourself a Dodge Ram truck.  This morning, the local paper announced that Gadhafi’s troops were pulling back, an hour later CNN reported “airstrikes fail to stop Gadhafi”…I’m going with the local news, so let’s celebrate the US victory.  Call Macy’s, baby, it’s parade time.

Wait a sec… here’s a new one.  More states find radiation traces.  Naaaa.  Tomorrow it will be okay, and Oregon, Colorado and the rest of the so called nuked states will be just fine.  An error, or perhaps an over-exaggeration.  Oh, wait… under the bold headline reads what amounts to a disclaimer…The EPA says there is no health risk.  Yahoo! I didn’t even have to wait until tomorrow.

You see, I am back to my original jaded, cynical self, only way happier now, since not only do I not believe ANYBODY, I actually am taking whatever they say and turning it upside down. Or would that be inside out?  Anyway,  can you feel me smiling? It’s happy time!  Reading the papers has for me become like reading a terrific fictional novel where the plot changes at every new paragraph.  Pundits are narrators of nonsensical theory, and TV news is a collection of reality shows that contest to find the most dire, solemn, anchor person who’s challenge it is to make us believe their  grim tales.

I can’t wait until tomorrow when I find out that Obama was born in Texas, Israel and Palestine have opened a theme park together, and Al Qeada is the name of an Islamic used car dealer.  Come on down to Al’s for the best deal in town!

                          

LK checks in with Dr. John, the one from New Jersey, not New Orleans, and a rant on chewing tobacco turns into a debate on whether government or parents should be doing the parenting.

The PodKast can be found here.

                          

The Federal government has proposed, and, in less than an hour, both Houses of Congress have passed a LeBron James Stimulus Package for the city of Cleveland, Ohio.

The billion dollar appropriation was approved across party lines, with Senators and members of the House seen weeping openly for the forsaken citizens of the self proclaimed Rock n’ Roll Capitol of the World.

Residents of the Gulf Coast, along with unemployed workers whose benefits have run out, and military families living through multiple deployments of their loved ones were seen with mouths agape, aghast as the nation once again demonstrated that most of its citizens and elected officials have their priorities in the wrong places.

The American Coalition of Sports Bars was approached and asked to donate the profits from tonight’s bonanza to a fund which would be used to reinstate laid off teachers, policemen, and firefighters.  The Coalition chose not to do so, and responded in a way that can only be described as “colorful”.

Hedge fund managers participated in LeBron pools with winners collecting a minimum of 6 figures in each of the many pots.  Confetti created by thousands of torn up, losing pool sheets is expected to remain on the sidewalks of Wall Street for days, as the cutback in NYC sanitation workers will prohibit a more timely clean up.

It was just reported that massive tarballs have washed up on South Beach, and methane levels in the atmosphere were dangerously high in the city of Miami.