The Bachmann Clinic is owned and operated by presidential candidate Michele and her husband, Marcus.  It’s a Christian counseling service that specializes in turning gay people inside out.  Honest.  Since Crazy Michele believes that gay is a life choice, she and the hubby put their egg yolk noggins together and came up with this brilliant scheme, focusing on nutty Christian extremist parents I’m sure, who want their evil gay kids fixed.  For at least five years, writes CNN, Bachmann and Associates has faced accusations it uses a controversial therapy that encourages gay and lesbian patients to change their sexual orientation. Andrew Ramirez, a former patient at Bachmann and Associates, said in an interview with CNN he witnessed the practice first-hand. In 2004, Ramirez turned to the clinic at the urging of his mother who wanted him to talk about his homosexuality.  Okay, right off the bat, I’m thinking A Clockwork Orange with poor Malcom McDowell strapped in, eyes taped open, and forced to watch ultra-violence film clips.  Thankfully, the Bachmann program is not that creatively dramatic.

The so-called therapy consists of three stages, according to Mr. Ramirez.  Stage One, prayer.  Praying to God for a miracle, Rameriz was told would make him un-gay.  Stage Two, reading Bible passages,  and Stage Three, mentoring with an ex-lesbian minister.  If none of that worked, Ramirez said the counselor had another suggestion. “Not acting out on my same sex attractions and living a life of celibacy.” Ah, the Nancy Reagan model of just say no.

Now, besides the absurdity, and the very sad implications of guilt, wrong doing, and even mental illness lopped onto these poor folks who, for whatever reason participate in this harebrained, and I must say, dangerous program, there are for me, some ethical and legal questions.

Checking Marcus Bachmann’s credentials, it seems that he graduated from some diploma mill that no longer exists.  That being the case, how did he get licensed to practice as a counselor?  Simple.  He didn’t.  Seems that Minnesota does not require any licensing for counseling therapy.  No wonder Michele wants the government to stay out of our business.  The American Psychological Association, a club of which I once was a member,  is sharply critical of efforts by counselors to change a patient’s sexual orientation, citing “There is insufficient evidence to support the use of psychological interventions to change sexual orientation.”  But Mr. Bachmann countered brilliantly. “I think you clearly say what is the understanding of God’s word on homosexuality. We have to understand barbarians need to be educated. They need to be disciplined and just because someone feels it or thinks it doesn’t mean we’re supposed to go down that road,” he continued.  Barbarians need to be disciplined. What?  Then, when pressed – in other words, when the media also said “What?”, Michele’s campaign conveniently used the very ethical conditions the Bachmann Clinic ignores.  “The Bachmann’s are in no position ethically, legally, or morally to discuss specific courses of treatment concerning the clinic’s patients,” the statement said.  Beautiful.  She really should be in the mob.  “You got nuttin on me, I’m a legitimate business owner.”

I am making light of this, because…well, I make light of everything since everything has gone to crap, and it’s my personal survival method.  But make no mistake, this is a very dangerous practice the Bachmann’s are involved in, and it is only a question of time until one of their clients – upon failing the program, and thus being cast down by God and parents, will become a suicide statistic.

Shame on you people.

                          

Here’s the link.

                          

What’s the good of repairing international relationships or fixing the domestic economy if we’re all going to become mutant X-Men due to cell phone radiation? LK and Dr. John spar and the ring is spattered with verbal blood.

Here’s the link.

                          

LK asserts that neither guns nor over the top rhetoric were primary causes of the Arizona massacre.
Listen in as he searches for, finds, and fingers the true culprits.

Listen (Or Right Click and “Save As” to Download)

                          

My Fellow Americans:

I don’t know what’s going to be more difficult: me getting my head out of the clouds and speaking the clear, simple truth to you, or you pulling yourselves away from your Xboxes and Dancing With the Idols long enough to pay attention.  I was going to give this speech tomorrow night, but my advisers suggested that it’d be a good idea for me to appear so very concerned about the issues I’m about to address that I’d make the major sacrifice of skipping the first quarter of the Lakers-Celtics game.

As an aside, I asked if I could tape my Oval Office address and have it shown to the nation at 9PM EST while I watched the game live, but it was strongly recommended that we DVR the game in the residence, and catch it after I’m done speaking here.  So don’t anyone dare send me final scores or highlight snippets on the BlackBerry.

That said, let’s move on.

We’ve been treating the Gulf spill like it’s simply a tricky bastard to plug up.  Well, it’s that alright, but it may be far worse.  We may have gone past the limits of what modern technology and human cooperation can control.  The Federal government-BP coalition, yes, you heard right, the Federal government-BP coalition, has been feeding you a series of false hopes, much like a series of cliffhangers in a soap opera, or a professional wrestling story arc.  We’ve been ratcheting up the blame game rhetoric and distracting  you with 24/7 access to the live SpewCam, while nervously investigating far graver possibilities.

There are unconfirmed but credible reports of toxic gases and volatile organic compounds coming out of the seabed along with the oil, and when you stop and think about it, how could there not be?  If nothing but light, sweet crude was down there we wouldn’t have this mess on our hands.  Meanwhile, we’ll state that such claims are under investigation, as we work up the courage to fill you in on the details.

While we continue our hapless, but labor and capital intensive efforts to contain the oil, corral the slicks, barricade the marshlands, and clean the wildlife, we’re continuing to drill and align relief wells that damn well should have been put in place before anyone hit the on button.  And, in case we can’t thread that subterranean needle, we’re consulting with our good friends the Russians to get what no doubt will be sincere and well intentioned counsel as to how they’ve successfully shut down some of their runaway gushers with the aid of nuclear weapons.

Of course, they’ve never done it in a deepwater environment as far as we know, so it’s possible that this potential solution will create an even darker and more unmanageable quagmire.

Transparency’s a bitch.

Good night, and may God Bless America.

                          

Listen (Or Right Click and “Save As” to Download)

                          

Like Windows in the ’80’s and the web in the ’90’s, biotech will open the way to an expanding economy, in this case due to a massive reduction in health care costs. Early diagnosis of existing conditions and even earlier detection of an individual’s predispositions will preclude the expenditure of overwhelming amounts of resources (and it is overwhelming us) , whether in the form of time, energy, or cash.

A stitch in time will save 9. Trillion that is. An ounce of prevention will be worth a ton, not a pound, of cure.

Biotech as described above will free up the funds to make alternative energy conventional, which will then eliminate our dependence on foreign oil, as well as on foreigners who insist on remaining hostile, and are able to remain so because their ace in the hole is a blackgold hole in the ground.

Europe is even keener than we are on biotech, mostly because their leaders don’t have nearly as many evangelical special interest groups to cater to. Their diversion of resources from the old to the new world of health care, leaving them with an excess to spend on new forms of energy for the new century, will cut the cord that forces them to play nicely with Mad Vlad and his Russian gas station.

Our quality of life and the pace of our productivity, which increased exponentially through the use of the computer and the web. but is now showing signs of slowing, will pick up once again as more prevention means fewer sick days, more focused workers, and perhaps less emotional trauma from losses that come before their time.

Take a hefty chunk of the monies that had been going to Medicaid and Medicare, but would no longer need to, and use it for eduction and re-education, since the aging population will be healthier of body and clearer of mind. The wisdom gained by the older demographic can be passed along and used to pave the way for the young ‘uns.

So before we spend too much TARP, TARG, and other stimulus acronym funds on band-aids, let’s set aside a hundred billion or two for the next killer app.

editor’s note: this piece will be expanded upon, but LK found the concept important enough that he wanted to get the rough sketch out there post haste.